A couple years ago, I read a book by Neil Strauss called, The Game: Penetrating The Secret Society of Pickup Artists. This may sound like an excuse, but I wasn't reading it to meet women, but to learn to be more confident about talking to people in general. I don't have any problems with meeting women. The problem for me is the auto-destruct button I start pressing in my brain that tells the girl that I should be 'friendzone'd' immediately. This has a lot to do with self confidence issues that sprout from struggling to love myself.
That is a different blog post for another time.
In the book, one group in particular is painted as the 'bad guys'. I'm frankly too lazy to summarize what happens, but you should read it. The name of this company is "Real Social Dynamics" lead by one Owen aka TylerDurden. Being the fair minded person that I am, I decided to look this group up. They are very real! After watching and reading some of the material on their website, I soon realized that their method not only worked for pick up, but for every aspect of a person seeking a successful life. As I suspected when I first picked up Neil's book, everything I needed to be successful with with women, losing weight and other goals all came from the same place. To this day, Tyler is easily one of my favorite 'gurus'. He's one of the best motivational speakers I've ever listened to, and I don't hear many people talking about him because they only think of him as a pickup artist.
I want to share this small clip with you. Unfortunately, embedding is disabled for this video. Please watch it here and come back! It has some NSFW language.
I believe that speech is from RSD Blueprint. I enjoy it because it really helped me tackle a lot of the bad thinking that I had before I really committed to losing weight. Truthfully, I have lived my life in fear of everything. I don't drive a car because I'm afraid of crashing. I don't move out of my house because I'm afraid of being alone. I don't have anything hanging on my walls because I can't decide if it's better to 'spruce up' where I am now, or invest in moving out. I didn't change my degree because I was afraid of taking a risk with something new. I chose to stay locked up in my room, tuning everyone out because I felt it would take too long to lose the weight and it helped me ignore my situation rather than take the actions to become independent. Now, I'm almost 30. I can't get anywhere without my parents or friends driving me. I live in a house surrounded by people I frankly don't like. My room feels more like a cell than a place to relax and I don't have a degree or even a very good GPA because I keep trying to major in something I don't enjoy. I have constant recurring nightmares of my parents dying and suddenly being stuck as I am completely dependent on other people without the people I depend on. When I started this blog, I was the fattest I had ever been at 580 pounds.
After listening to Tyler, I began to realize that I had spent more time scared of what I needed to do to lose weight than the time it would actually take to do it. An entire decade has just gone in the blink of an eye, and I have almost nothing to show for it.
As Tyler said, it's about doing what's necessary no matter how I feel about it. I have to go to the gym and practice driving a car and start getting the things I need to move out because it's the right thing to do. If I don't, my recurring nightmare could become a reality. That being said, fear of failure is not my motivation. In fact, fear of failure is what kept me back. No, I am going to the gym daily because even if I don't lose a pound at the end of the week, I'm filled with joy because I know I've done my best and I can look in the mirror and see a person I like. I am slowly becoming somebody who does things in spite of how I feel. Now, when I fall, I don't spend as much time wallowing in my failure. Eventually, I won't be bound by my fears but strengthened by them. When that finally happens, nothing will be able to hold me back from accomplishing my goals.